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Downtown as Fruits/Transcript

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Cut, cut! Hey Arnold! Arnold Huh? Helga Get off the stage! (the kids laugh at Arnold) this isn't your scene! Arnold Oh, yeah. Sorry. Helga Amateur. OK, let's pick them up from the dance of vegetables. a 5, 6, 7, 8... (the bell rings) Not so fast. Harold Come on, Helga. We know our lines. Helga Know your lines? Of course you know your lines. But I don't wanna just hear your lines. I wanna hear what's in your souls! Curly Do vegetables have souls? Helga That audience expects foods with feelings, and that's what we're gonna give 'em. Iggy, what's your motivation? Iggy I don't know. I'm a utensil. Helga Monkeyman No.

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Cut, cut! Hey Arnold! Arnold Huh? Helga Get off the stage! (the kids laugh at Arnold) this isn't your scene! Arnold Oh, yeah. Sorry. Helga Amateur. OK, let's pick them up from the dance of vegetables. a 5, 6, 7, 8... (the bell rings) Not so fast. Harold Come on, Helga. We know our lines. Helga Know your lines? Of course you know your lines. But I don't wanna just hear your lines. I wanna hear what's in your souls! Curly Do vegetables have souls? Helga That audience expects foods with feelings, and that's what we're gonna give 'em. Iggy, what's your motivation? Iggy I don't know. I'm a utensil. Helga Stinky, what's in your character's guts? (Stinky passes out) I thought so. You guys all bite. OK. Here's the deal. I want every kid here a half an hour early so we can do another run-through. If anybody's late, they're gonna have to answer to Old Betsy. Monkeyman I'm Monkeyman! Gerald Fruits! We had to be fruits! Why couldn't we be in the bread group, or beverages? I could've been a grape soda. Arnold Yeah, well we're fruits. And let's hurry or we'll miss the bus! Gerald Slow down! This strawberry really chafes. Gerald Man, this is humiliating. Arnold This is nothing. In a few hours, the entire student body will be laughing at us. (the bus stops) I can't believe we have to do this. For Helga. Gerald I know. It's not fair. But there's nothing we can do about it. Nothing. Unless... Arnold Unless what? Gerald Let's just say we forgot to pull that cord, and we didn't get off at this stop, or the next stop, or the next! Hey, by the time we'd get back home, the play would be over. Arnold No, we couldn't do that. It would ruin the play. Gerald Well was it right for Helga to make fun of you during rehearsal? Arnold Well, oh, Gerald we gotta stop. We can't ruin the play. Arnold Well, maybe one more stop will be OK. Helga People, people! (she claps twice) Now remember, a play has a life of it's own. It's got to breathe. Every food group must build upon the group that came before it. First, the legumes. Peapod Kid Legumes? I thought we were beans. Helga You are, Genius! Then the meats, lusty and powerful. Then the fruits, they're... (notices Arnold & Gerald are not there) Hey where are the fruits? Phoebe They're not here, Helga. They never showed up. Helga What?! ARN-OOOOOLD! Arnold Did you hear something just now? Gerald No. Arnold Hey, how far does this bus go anyway? Gerald What difference does it make? When it gets the end of the line, we'll just ride it back again. The journey is the destination, man. Arnold What's that mean? Gerald I'm not sure. I heard it in a hippie movie. Arnold Hey what's going on? Gerald Aw man, this is the end of the line. Arnold You and your hippie movies. Does this mean...? Gerald Yeah, we're stuck. Arnold Downtown. Gerald As Fruits. Arnold Now what? Gerald Hmm. I know. We'll call my Mom & Dad. They'll come pick us up. Arnold Good idea. Gerald Great, just great. Arnold Well, at least, let's get rid of these costumes. Gerald Uh, I can't. Arnold Why not? Gerald I didn't wear anything underneath. Arnold You didn't wear anything underneath? Gerald Well, polyester makes me sweat. Arnold OK, so you have to stay a strawberry. Gerald Arnold, this is serious. We're stuck downtown, I'm a strawberry, and we don't have any money! Morrie Here you go. Arnold What's this? Morrie You know what it is. Just take it. Arnold Wow! People downtown sure are friendly. Gerald Let's go. Vic He's two minutes late. Gerald You were right, Arnold. Those shoes really pull your look together. Arnold You hungry? Gerald Does Souvlaki cover the four food groups? Arnold Who cares? Harold I'm a steak, juicy steak, full of fat and protein; Eugene I'm a ham, you know I am, and if you keep kosher, I'm not in your routine! Helga Psst! Psst! Stretch! Stretch! I can't believe this is happening. Do you know how hard I prepared for my role? I ate nothing but dairy products for two weeks! If I ever get my hands on that Arnold I'll, I'll... Soothe his fevered brow. Oh, my poor lost sweetheart, how I love you. And yet I hate you! And yet I love you. And yet I hate you! And yet I love you. Arnold Hey, waiter. Sodas for everyone. (the customers cheer) Rack 'em again, fat man. Vic Whaddya mean you gave it to the wrong banana? Morrie Um... Vic What did this other banana look like? Morrie You know, kinda small, kinda yellow, banana shoes... just like those. Hey! Vic Hey, you two! Zamboni Jones Who enters the realm of the Great Zamboni? Arnold Uh... I'm Arnold. This is Gerald. Jones Wait, wait! You're... you're Arnold, and... Gerald. Gerald Good guess. Jones Ha! Zamboni Jones does not guess, he knows. You have come to me with a problem. Arnold Yeah, we came downtown and at first everything was great. But... now it's all... gone wrong. Jones There is a disturbance in your karmic energy field. Hmmmmm.... is there someone you may have harmed in the past? Hmmm? Someone you may have wronged? Helga (Crying) My play! My play! My beautiful play! (she hits her head on a light pole as he says it. Then cut to reality.) Gerald Nope. Can't think of a soul. Arnold Gerald! You gotta be kidding. Think of Helga and her play and all the kids at school we're letting down. Gerald What's your point? Arnold Ugh... Come on, we got a karmic energy field to fix. Bye, Mr. Jones, thanks. Jones Hey, where's my $3.50? I should've foreseen this. Woman Wow! People downtown sure are friendly. (then they make their stop at P.S. 118.) Helga I'm ruined! Ruined! My future as a playwright is over! Helga (clears throat) Ladies and gentlemen, ...there will be a small change in the fourth act. We won't be having it. It seems that some of our food groups are not as dedicated as the rest of us. But the show must go ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! Arnold, Gerald and the rest of the kids It's fruits, it's fruits, that really makes us toots;It's fruits, it's fruits, that give us all a hoot!It's not like other food groups aren't important;In fact, you need us all to make your fingernails and eyes and organs-It's fruits, it's fruits, you have to have your fruits;That's what the folks with scurvy say;'Cause it's fruits, us fruits, that really makes us sing; (Arnold holds the last note) Helga Wait until I get my hands on you, Arnold, you... beautiful creature. All This is the end of our play! Helga