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Turkey Guys/Quotes

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Brian the Closer

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The 2000-Year-Old Virgin

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:Lois: Peter, we have people coming over and they're expecting a turkey! :Peter: If they're expecting a turkey, I'll just put on Evan Almighty! Zap! ---- :Lois: Chris are Brian and your father back yet? :Chris: No, and why are you saying the dog's name before Dad's? :Stewie: It's weird. Y...yeah, you're right, that is weird. ---- :[Lois and Joe watch Kevin and his little person girlfriend have sex outside] :Lois: Oh, my God, it looks like he's chalking up a pool cue! ---- :Peter: We'll be back with a turkey faster than you can say, "Jack Robinson." :Lois: Jack Ro... [Slurs] Jack Ro... [Slurs] :Peter: She had a stroke that killed the part of her brain that says, "Jack Robinson." We got plenty of time. ---- :["Meet Virginia" by Train plays on the radio] :Peter: Is this...is this fine? :Brian: I mean it's not...it's...yeah, it's fine if you think it's fine. :Peter: It's not that good of a song, but we know it. :Brian: Yeah, ok. Sure. :[Brief silence] :Peter: Brian, I love Train! :Brian: I fucking love Train! ---- :Brian: Nice Thanksgiving... I don't know why I ever listen to that jerk. :[Brian looks over his shoulder and sees that Peter is following him] :Peter: What? Home is this way. We're both just walking home. :Brian: Leave me alone! :Peter: No way. We're a team, Brian, whether you like it or not. Just like almond butter and no sugar added fruit preserves. :[Cutaway of a commercial where a mother makes her kids lunch] :Mother: Who's hungry? :Kids: We are! :Announcer: Hey, kids! Would you like a terrible healthy sandwich? :Kids: No! :Announcer: Too bad! Because your recently divorced mom has a crush on her trainer! And he eats like this, so now you have to, too! Almond butter and no sugar added fruit preserves! Just like PB&J, but with more of your mom railing this guy! :Trainer: I named myself "Kaya". ---- :Peter: I wish you didn't have to die, but a bunch of white people put on sweaters. ----

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Turkey Guys