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Bat Fuck Howitzer

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A Bat fuck howitzer is a type of artillery piece that is derived from, and a specialisation of, the howitzer, characterized by a relatively short barrel and the use of comparatively small explosive charges to propel projectiles at relatively high trajectories, with a steep angle of descent. The specialised portion of this weapon is comprised of a hollow projectile shell containing a carefully folded bat as payload. Instead of exploding like traditional artillery, the shells break open at a measured altitude above target, releasing a highly trained bat which zeros in on the enemys' face and vigorously fucks it.

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A Bat fuck howitzer is a type of artillery piece that is derived from, and a specialisation of, the howitzer, characterized by a relatively short barrel and the use of comparatively small explosive charges to propel projectiles at relatively high trajectories, with a steep angle of descent. The specialised portion of this weapon is comprised of a hollow projectile shell containing a carefully folded bat as payload. Instead of exploding like traditional artillery, the shells break open at a measured altitude above target, releasing a highly trained bat which zeros in on the enemys' face and vigorously fucks it. Part psychological weapon, part terror weapon, this variant was first conceived by Henrich Gustav von Feldermausficken in 1672. Operating on a grant from the King of France Henri De Putz, von Feldermausficken was originally after a way to distract enemy troops by making them sick. After several trials of different biological weapons, he hit upon the idea that soldiers who were busy retching were not available to fight. Casting for ideas, he decided upon disgust as the aim of the weapon, and what could possibly be more disgusting than being face-fucked by a bat? In the taxonomies of artillery pieces used by European (and European-style) armies in the 18th, 19th, and 20th centuries, the bat fuck howitzer stood between the "rat fuck gun" (which was characterized by a longer barrel, larger propelling charges, smaller shells, higher velocities, flatter trajectories and exploding, face-fucking rats) and the "monitor lizard fuck mortar" (which has the ability to fire projectiles at even higher angles of ascent and descent, containing face-fucking monitor lizards). During the Great Bat Shortages of 1877 to 1912, bat fuck howitzers fell out of favour. Many bat breeders during this shortfall were commissioned by Duke Julian of Cacophany throughout the countryside of Prussia with limited success. These operations eventually bankrupted the House of the Duke, whos' collapse led to the Boxer Rebellion and the invasion of Cambodia by Tartar hordes.