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Bath salts and scented candles

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Bath salts and scented candles are popular poorly-planned gift items that came into currency in the early- to mid-eighties, striking the final blow to the gift-giving ritual culture of the Dobe Ju/'Hoansi people, Japan, and the entire American south, where they used to give each other squirrel heads with the brains and stuff still in there instead. They supplanted funky colorful carved candles from shops at the beach, which had at that time been the major force in the stagnant poorly-planned gift market since 1922, when large deposits of cheap wax were first discovered by hiker Warren Harding under the Teapot Dome.

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Bath salts and scented candles are popular poorly-planned gift items that came into currency in the early- to mid-eighties, striking the final blow to the gift-giving ritual culture of the Dobe Ju/'Hoansi people, Japan, and the entire American south, where they used to give each other squirrel heads with the brains and stuff still in there instead. They supplanted funky colorful carved candles from shops at the beach, which had at that time been the major force in the stagnant poorly-planned gift market since 1922, when large deposits of cheap wax were first discovered by hiker Warren Harding under the Teapot Dome. Funky colorful carved candles from shops at the beach had been popular due to the tendency of their features to melt before you even got them back to the goddamned hotel, making the intricately carved seashells and curlicues look like buttocks and ramen noodles, and for the tendency of their thirty-to-forty-five-aged recipients to have children around the house who would chew on these candles and have to be driven to the hospital vomiting up wax three days later. Bath salts and scented candles, while less likely to damage the participants in the gift-giving acts' car seats with either melted or vomited wax, more than compensated with their ability to make said cars instead smell like Mango Orchid Pie First Love Summer Afternoon Joy Spread Beaver: Showing the Vaginal Area. Because these odors, like those of a decomposing body, are possible to remove only by entirely re-upholstering the vehicle, and even then will re-occur should the new interior be sprayed with a luminol preparation, resulting in criminal charges, bath salts and scented candles supplanted funky colorful carved candles under a year after their original introduction. Another important consideration is that giving bath salts and scented candles as a gift is kind of like telling the recipient that they stink.