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The Pirate Planet

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After locating the first segment of the Key to Time-wasting, the Doctor, Unsexy Romana and K9 begin the hunt for the second one. They land on a planet called Halifax that's supposed to be cold and dead but actually has a pretty lively civilisation overruled by a hammy pirate guy, and the population fears a bunch of spooky psychic dudes who turn out to be not that bad and stuff (I mean, they're wearing the colour yellow - when has anyone wearing yellow ever turned out to be the villain?). Turns out that the reason why Halifax is more lively than expected is because the pirate has materialised a slightly larger yet hollow planet called Xanax around it to drain it of resources. Not sure why it's a bad thing in this case if Halifax was supposed to be cold and dead, but it turns out the pirate'

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The Pirate Planet

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After locating the first segment of the Key to Time-wasting, the Doctor, Unsexy Romana and K9 begin the hunt for the second one. They land on a planet called Halifax that's supposed to be cold and dead but actually has a pretty lively civilisation overruled by a hammy pirate guy, and the population fears a bunch of spooky psychic dudes who turn out to be not that bad and stuff (I mean, they're wearing the colour yellow - when has anyone wearing yellow ever turned out to be the villain?). Turns out that the reason why Halifax is more lively than expected is because the pirate has materialised a slightly larger yet hollow planet called Xanax around it to drain it of resources. Not sure why it's a bad thing in this case if Halifax was supposed to be cold and dead, but it turns out the pirate's done this to populated planets too and shrunk them into little balls that he keeps as ornaments in his palace. The second segment of the Key turns out to be one of these shrunken planets, btw. Now I'm not gonna lie, the story overall is pretty awesome - there's an abundance of Douglas Adams wit, and there are some genuinely creative plot developments and chilling scenes, especially when the Doctor starts screaming at the pirate dude and asking him why he's doing all the shit he's doing. Yeah, this is a genuinely good story... ...Until part 4, when Adams suddenly decided to do a Moffat and wrote "Ahaaaa! But it turns out the REAL villain is some random hologram lady who's just been sitting on the pirate's lap for the runtime!". Don't get me wrong, the story doesn't become terrible from that point on, just... needlessly convoluted. Apparently though, this story was originally a lot more complex and the script editors actually had to simplify it a lot. Jeeeeeezus, I take everything back, Moffat (I'm joking of course... I'll never forgive you).

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