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Jesus stole my girlfriend

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I was pretty plussed when Jesus was the first guy to answer my ad. I mean, I figured that the dude would probably have some sort of celestial palace or something to crash at, but he spouted all this stuff about him being a man as well as a God and having humble needs and all that, so I figured I'd give him a shot. It was OK for the first few days and all. We played our guitars together and he taught me the trick to finger-picking Dust in the Wind. There were hotties over all the time, too. I mean, no one gets more tail than the King of Heaven. He used to bang them two at a time. He called it his "Second Coming", which was pretty damn funny if you think about it.

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4060116

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2009-08-21

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I was pretty plussed when Jesus was the first guy to answer my ad. I mean, I figured that the dude would probably have some sort of celestial palace or something to crash at, but he spouted all this stuff about him being a man as well as a God and having humble needs and all that, so I figured I'd give him a shot. It was OK for the first few days and all. We played our guitars together and he taught me the trick to finger-picking Dust in the Wind. There were hotties over all the time, too. I mean, no one gets more tail than the King of Heaven. He used to bang them two at a time. He called it his "Second Coming", which was pretty damn funny if you think about it. He kept turning all the water into wine, which was cool because I couldn't really afford a lotta alcohol back in those days, but wine is like a chick drink. It woulda been much better if he coulda turned it into like beer or something, but when I asked him about that he got all mystical and shit and gave me a line of bull about it being God's Divine Nectar and all that. I come to find out later that he'd been turning water into beer, but keeping it secret because he wanted it all for himself. He was making that crappy American beer anyway, so I didn't really give a shit or nothing, but it was pretty uncool for him not to share. He was also turning lawn clippings into killer bud, but he wouldn't share that with me either, not even when Joey got nabbed by the feds and my supply line ran dry. That's when I first figured that Jesus was kinda an asshole.