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Gaullism

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Gaullism is a life philosophy named after the used car salesman Trusty Longo (known in France as Charles de Gaulle), and also the only form of government so far to have uncooperativeness and obstructiveness both as means and end. Gaullist doctrine stresses this is the sole purpose of life for every Frenchman, -woman and -dog, and only by being so uncooperative even the Finns won't work with you can you attain the state of Grandeur, which might be French, or maybe Xhosa. When you reach this state, you are legally declared incapable of any kind of cooperation with anything whatsoever, even inorganic objects such as stones and Belgian Waffle Warriors, and awarded with a medal with the inscription "you didn't think I'd actually do it, did you?" in something resembling French (which of course i

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Gaullism is a life philosophy named after the used car salesman Trusty Longo (known in France as Charles de Gaulle), and also the only form of government so far to have uncooperativeness and obstructiveness both as means and end. Gaullist doctrine stresses this is the sole purpose of life for every Frenchman, -woman and -dog, and only by being so uncooperative even the Finns won't work with you can you attain the state of Grandeur, which might be French, or maybe Xhosa. When you reach this state, you are legally declared incapable of any kind of cooperation with anything whatsoever, even inorganic objects such as stones and Belgian Waffle Warriors, and awarded with a medal with the inscription "you didn't think I'd actually do it, did you?" in something resembling French (which of course is not a language, but a cheese classification system, but what difference does it make? Nobody understands it anyway). Alone among modern political ideologies, Gaullism comes with a complete model of a perfect society, from microbe arrangement to state organization, and extensive instructions to assemble all twenty-five Gaullillion different kinds of French cheese (yes, cheese is assembled, not bred... or grown... or whatever), which takes up approximately 99.5368% of the book, Le book de Gaullism, in which de Gaulle explained his deranged dreams, using sentences structured after the special French Verb-Verb-Object-Subject-Verb-Subject-Subject-Subject-Subject pattern. Even though no information has come out of France since 1963, it is widely assumed no one ever actually read the book, least of all de Gaulle himself. A special trait for Gaullism is the fact that in a Gaullist system, you only need one press office, no matter how many ministries you have, since their only function is to broadcast the message "NON! NON! NON!" to everything and everyone, every single moment of every single day of every single ye... well, I guess you've gotten the point. In France, which ministries are said to number something approaching 5,242½, this means a lot less paperwork, which is counteracted by an order stipulating that all press messages are to be copied in 5,202,194 handwritten copies, and then torn apart by angry midgets. Watching that unfold is a shortcut to Grandeur, by the way.