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House Rules/Transcript

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(Mordecai and Rigby are playing Karate Choppers. The swordsmen on the game both destroy enemies, as a popup appears on the screen) Announcer: Double death combo! Mordecai and Rigby: WHOAAAAA! Double death combo! Benson: Hey guys, listen. When you've got a minute, I need you to take a look at these. Mordecai: Sure, Benson. [sees front cover: it reads "Benson's House Rules"] Oh, the house rules. Thanks, but we already have these. Benson: Uh, no you don't, cause I've added a few new ones in there, and I'm gonna need you to sign off on them, okay? [walks off] Rigby: Fine! Rigby: What is it?

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(Mordecai and Rigby are playing Karate Choppers. The swordsmen on the game both destroy enemies, as a popup appears on the screen) Announcer: Double death combo! Mordecai and Rigby: WHOAAAAA! Double death combo! Benson: Hey guys, listen. When you've got a minute, I need you to take a look at these. Mordecai: Sure, Benson. [sees front cover: it reads "Benson's House Rules"] Oh, the house rules. Thanks, but we already have these. Benson: Uh, no you don't, cause I've added a few new ones in there, and I'm gonna need you to sign off on them, okay? [walks off] Rigby: Aw, man, more rules? He's gotta be joking! Mordecai: Alright, let's see. Rule #114: No feet on the table. [M&R's feet are on the table, then they take them off, moaning] Rule #115: No food on the table. [food is seen on the table, so they knock it all off] Rigby: Fine! Mordecai: Rule #116: No No food on the floor. Rigby: WHAT?! That's going WAY too far! [growls while straining himself to lift the table] Come on, man, help me flip the table! Mordecai: No, dude, just chill out. There's only one more new rule left. Rigby: What is it? Mordecai: No video games?! Rigby: Are you nuts?! Benson: [holding up rule] Rule #47: No yelling! Rigby: You can't take video games away from us, man. What're we supposed to do? Benson: Work. You're supposed to work. Mordecai: You know what? We're sick of all your rules! No prank calls, no rock-paper-scissors, no punchies, no unicorns? What does that even mean? Rigby: These rules are all totally random, Benson, and they're all aimed at us! Benson: That's not true. #68: No harpsichord playing after 10 PM. Rigby: I actually kind of like that one. Mordecai: Yeah, but that's the only good one in there. The rest of them are terrible! Benson: Look, I'm doing you a favor. Life without rules is chaos. Mordecai: Fine. But we're only signing off on the rules we like. Rigby: Yeah, like the harpsichord one! Benson: It doesn't work that way! If you can't agree to live by all the house rules, then you can't live in this house! Mordecai: Well then, we won't live in this house. Rigby: Yeah, cause your rules are whack! Mordecai: We'll show you. [zoom in] We're not gonna live with any rules at all. Announcer: Double death combo! Mordecai and Rigby: WHOAAAAA! Mordecai: Heheh. Dude, we should have moved out a long time ago. I feel like I just got out of prison. Rigby: That's 'cause Benson built a rule prison around us. But we busted out, and now we can do whatever we want! Mordecai and Rigby: [rapping] Rules are for fools! Rules are for fools! Save your stupid rulin' for fools that need some schoolin'! Mordecai: Muscle Man, what are you doing?! Muscle Man: My job, bro. Read it and weep, ladies. [holds up Rule #118: No overnight camping] Mordecai and Rigby: Aw, what? Come on! Muscle Man: While I sympathyze with your quest to live free of the man's rules, this guy's still gotta put food on the table. Mordecai: Fine! But you didn't have to ruin our campsite! Muscle Man: Yes I did. Mordecai: Yes! She's still here. [waves into building. Margaret notices] Hey! Margaret: [opens door] Hi guys! Mordecai and Rigby: Hey, Margaret. Margaret: Hey, is it true? Did you really move out of the house? Rigby: Yeah, we did! 'cause Benson got all rulesy! Mordecai: We had no choice. It was either leave or live with some other dude with rules. Margaret: Wow, Mordecai! I didn't know you were such a rebel. Mordecai: Yep. You know me. Total rebel. [they both laugh] Margaret: Well, good night. [almost closes door, but Mordecai stops the action with his foot] Mordecai: Actually, we don't have anywhere to sleep, so we were hoping you would let us camp out here tonight. Margaret: I wish I could, but, my manager has a rule about that kind of thing. [pans over to guy in white shirt. He sticks a paper to the window that reads, "get lost campers"] Sorry, guys. Mordecai: It's cool. I'm sure we can find some place to crash that isn't so big on rules. Later! Mordecai: Dude, this is getting intense. Rigby: [moans] No! More! RUUUUULES! [zoom out before an earthquake, followed by a gust, occurs, followed by a mysterious laugh] No Rules Man: Did somebody say... [comes out from shadows] ...rules? Rigby: Oh, great. Who are you, the alley rules guy? No Rules Man: Who am I? I'm whoever I want to be. Wanna know why? 'cause I don't believe in rules that tell me otherwise. Mordecai: Whoa. Rigby: That's pretty cool. No Rules Man: You better believe it's pretty cool. So what's your guys' story? You all free to do whatever you want? Mordecai: We wish. Rigby: Yeah, we have this lame boss Benson that tells us to- No Rules Man: Boss? What's that? Mordecai: It's a- No Rules Man: (interrupts Mordecai's speech) Yeah, I know what a boss is. I was just making a point. Bosses are nothing but fools with rules. Rigby: Oh yeah, rules for fools. No Rules Man: That's right! It makes so much sense in rhymes. Rigby: Whoa, that's crazy! No Rules Man: You guys seem pretty cool, so I'll let you in on a little secret. [whispers] I know of a place where rules don't exist. Rigby: No way! Are you serious? No Rules Man: Shhhhhhhhhhhh. [signals M&R to follow him as he backs up to a box filled with garbage bags. He almost jumps in before...] Mordecai: A box of trash? Are you joking? No Rules Man: Do I look like I'm joking? [jumps in] Mordecai: Uh, I don't know about this, dude. Rigby: Well, I practically sleep in a pile of garbage at home anyways, so this isn't really that different for me. Mordecai: Sweet! [looks over and sees a punchie parade, and then notices Rigby and the No Rules Man are playing Karate Choppers] Rigby and No Rules Man: WHOAAAAA! Double death combo! Mordecai: Aw, you guys have Karate Choppers down here? [walks up to couch and sits, feet on the floor] No Rules Man: Go ahead. Put your feet up. Mordecai: Aw, yeah-yuh! [does so] Can I get next game? No Rules Man: No need, bro. [controller appears right in Mordecai's hands. Mordecai, Rigby and the No Rules Man are now playing three-player mode] Mordecai and Rigby: Three-player Karate Choppers! [pick up pizza and high-five eachother with the pizzas] Oh, yeah-yuh! No Rules Man: Rockin'. [phone is ringing] Would you mind getting that? Mordecai: Hello? Prank Caller: Loser says what! Mordecai: Who is this? Prank Caller: Loser says what! Mordecai: I know what you're trying to do. I'm not going to say "what." Prank Caller: [laughs] You're a loser! You loserhead! I hate you! Mordecai: [hangs phone] Dude, I think someone just prank called us. No Rules Man: Ah, yeah. It was probably Kevin. [points to phone booth. Kevin laughs hysterically before the phone booth blasts off like a rocket] Rigby: Oh man, you guys can make prank calls down here? No Rules Man: You still don't get it, don't you? Down here, you can do... [floats up to air] ...whatever you want. Mordecai and Rigby: Whoaaaaaaaahhhhhh. [they, too, float up to the air] Mordecai: Whoa-oa! No Rules Man: Yeah man, no rules of gravity. Rigby: Dude, in Benson's face! Living without rules is awesome! Mordecai: Yeah it is! Mordecai and Rigby: No rules! No rules! No rules! No rules! [No Rules Man laughs] No Rules Man: That's right, no rules at all. [points] Hey, look over there! [M&R look off in distance, then, the No Rules Man punches Mordecai] Mordecai: What the heck, man? Rigby: Dude! He just took your wallet! [No Rules Man has wallet] Mordecai: Dude, give it back! No Rules Man: Why? There's no rule that says I can't take other people's stuff. Old Mordecai: He's right, dudes. [Mordecai & Rigby recoil in fear at seeing the Old Mordecai] Oh, man! I used to be so cool-looking! [pats Mordecai's hair] Wow, you're totally going to miss that. You know what else you're going to miss? [points to Rigby] That guy. Enjoy him while you got him, you know what I'm saying? Rigby: What does that mean? Old Mordecai: Oh, uh, nothing, dude. Mordecai: Dude! How is this even happening? No Rules Man: Because there's no rule that says it can't! From your future to your past, anyone can join the party. Mordecai: Unicorns?! Rigby: They're supposed to be dead! Unicorn 1: Check it, bros! It's those two jerkbags that blew us up! Mordecai: You gotta listen to us, man! These guys are seriously bad news! You gotta get rid of them! No Rules Man: Did you just tell me what to do?! You just told me what to do! [to unicorns] Hey, they just told me what to do! Unicorn 1: They're telling WHO what do to?! Unicorn 2: Oh, no way, bro! Get 'em! Rigby: Hey, you gotta get us outta here, man! No Rules Man: This guy ain't gotta do jack, amigo! I can't believe how lame you guys turned out! I thought you were cool! [everyone else comes up] Rigby: I hate to admit this, but I miss Benson and his stupid rules! Mordecai: Wait! Yo! No Rules Guy! You do have at least one rule down here. You have a rule against rules. No Rules Man: There's no rule against rules. Mordecai: That's all I needed to hear. [raises hand to make rule book appear in midair] Unicorns: Bros! Bros! Bros! Bros! Bros! Bros! Bros! Bros! [as the unicorns dirve up, Mordecai flips through the book] Mordecai: Rule #37: No unicorns! [unicorns explode into neon blue goo] Rule #72: No rock-paper-scissors! [giant hand explodes] No punchies! [the punchie-playing punks blow up off screen] Rigby: And no prank calls! [Kevin explodes into neon blue goo before the phonebooth vanishes as well] No Rules Man: Stop! Just stop it! You guys have no idea what- Rigby: AAAAAGGGHHH! [tackles No Rules Man, then, Mordecai jumps in and pins him to the ground] Mordecai: Show us the way out of here! No Rules Man: There's no rule that says I have to! Mordecai: There's also no rule that says I can't point this laser pointer in your only good eye! [prepares to do it] No Rules Man: Okay, okay! I'll take you out! Mordecai: There. We signed off on all your rules, Benson. Benson: Well, well, well. Wasn't so easy living without rules, was it? [opens book] Wait a minute. One of these rules is missing. Rigby: Oh, no. Which one? Benson: I don't know, there's over a hundred of these things! Mordecai: Well, then, how do you know it's missing? Benson: Because somebody RIPPED IT OUT!! Mordecai: That's crazy. I wonder which one it is. No Rules Man: Hmph. Hmph. I don't need those guys, I can play video games all by myself. [The ripped page falls onto his lap. It is Rule #117: No Video Games] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!