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The Baby Xenu

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The Baby Xenu is the $cientologist analog to the Baby Satan, AKA the Anti-Baby Jesus. Instead of living at the center of earth like the Baby Satan, however, the Baby Xenu hails from a Corporate Sin Galaxy. Upon his arrival on earth, the Baby Xenu initially befriended the baby Tom Cruise. The two spent many hours "playing doctor" together until Cruise touched the Baby Xenu in an inappropriate way. The Baby Xenu vowed his revenge against Cruise and Cruise's Hollywood friends by poisoning their bodies with moon rocks, stem cells, and something called thetans.

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The Baby Xenu is the $cientologist analog to the Baby Satan, AKA the Anti-Baby Jesus. Instead of living at the center of earth like the Baby Satan, however, the Baby Xenu hails from a Corporate Sin Galaxy. Upon his arrival on earth, the Baby Xenu initially befriended the baby Tom Cruise. The two spent many hours "playing doctor" together until Cruise touched the Baby Xenu in an inappropriate way. The Baby Xenu vowed his revenge against Cruise and Cruise's Hollywood friends by poisoning their bodies with moon rocks, stem cells, and something called thetans. Cruise, now grown-up (if being only 4 feet tall counts as "grown-up"), has pledged to fight his former friend, Xenu. Cruise and his young, all-male, Hollywood friends, have been using the propaganda machine of the belly-of the beast to recruit more young males to join the ranks of $cientology and battle Xenu.