"Cop and a Half"@en . . . . "4.0689691E7"^^ . . . . . . . "Rocky Giordani"@en . "Next review"@en . . . . "Nick McKenna (Burt Reynolds) is a tough, fearless, solitary and resentful cop from Florida. After his partner dies in an operation to apprehend drugs, he takes the responsibility of the tragedy. Devon Butler (Norman D. Golden II) is an 8-year-old kid who is obsessed with cop-movies and dreams of becoming a policeman some day. One day, while snooping around in a warehouse, Devon witnesses a murder & goes to the police, but he refuses to give them information it unless they make him a cop. They team him up with McKenna and together, they team up in a comical series of events to find the killer."@en . . . "5580.0"^^ . "1993-04-02"^^ . . . . . . . . "Running time"@en . . . "Paul Maslansky"@en . . "Cop and A Half"@en . "Carroll Timothy O'Meara"@en . . . "320"^^ . "United States"@en . . "1165.0"^^ . . . "Released"@en . . . . . . . "2011-08-09"^^ . "English"@en . . . . "NC: Hello, I\u2019m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don\u2019t have to. Let\u2019s talk about Burt Reynolds. (Images and footage of Burt Reynolds and his films are shown as NC speaks) NC (voiceover): In the \u201870s and \u201880s, he was one of the biggest stars in the world. With big hits like \u201CThe Longest Yard,\u201D \u201CDeliverance\u201D and \u201CSmokey and the Bandit,\u201D Burt was on top of the world. But then his attitude started making headlines. He would go through a messy divorce, get in fights on shows, [and] even slap reporters on air. On top of that, he filed for bankruptcy because of bad investments and an extreme lifestyle. After a while, people stopped hiring him because they were fucking scared shitless of him. NC: Sounds like a perfect guy to put next to a little kid! (The title screen for \u201CCop and a Half\u201D is shown, followed by a montage of clips from the movie) NC (voiceover): Yes, this was considered the low point in Burt Reynolds\u2019s career. A little kid wants to be a cop, so Officer Fuck the World is on the case to babysit him. The movie\u2019s so desperate, they couldn\u2019t even afford a Culkin. (An image of Macaulay Culkin in his younger years briefly appears next to the young child actor Norman D. Golden II) It\u2019s embarrassing, it\u2019s not funny\u2026 NC: You want to see me suffer through it like the sick pigs that you are, let\u2019s not waste any time. This is \u201CCop and a Half.\u201D (The movie begins) NC (voiceover): So as we hear the music to the opening credits, we can see that this is gonna be some campy, stupid shit. Listen to that. Can it get any more corny than this? It\u2019s like the opening to a 1950\u2019s filmstrip. In fact, I wouldn\u2019t be surprised if the Fonz himself directed this\u2014(\u201CDirected by Henry Winkler\u201D appears onscreen) ABANDON SHIP! NC: Critics and critics first! (He takes off his hat to dive off his chair camera right as though diving off a boat; splashing of water is heard here) NC (voiceover): We open with our main character named Devon. He\u2019s a little boy who\u2019s totally obsessed with being a police officer to a point where he plays it all the time with his friend. (Devon rolls into the boy\u2019s bathroom with his toy water gun like a real cop would and aims it at two young high school bullies and a little boy) Devon: Freeze, dirtbag! Bully #1: (to the boy) Get outta here. Boy: (surrenders) I\u2019m history. (He quickly leaves the bathroom) NC (voiceover): Uh, when did they combine high school and kindergarten class in the same building? Bully #2: (grabs Devon and holds him up against a wall) Butler thinks he\u2019s a real cop! (laughs) Devon: Hey! Put me down! Bully #2: (to Bully #1) That calls for payback. Devon: Put me down! NC (voiceover): Dude, Sam from Clarissa Explains it All is a bit of a dick, isn\u2019t he? (Footage of Sam climbing out Clarissa\u2019s window in Clarissa Explains it All is shown briefly) At least now we know where he got the money to pay for that ladder. (Cut to both bullies holding Devon over a toilet) Devon: I meant it in the nicest way. Both Bullies: Too bad! (They laugh) NC (voiceover): So he gets his head dunked in a toilet and\u2026somehow gets in trouble for it, thus he\u2019s sent to the principal\u2019s office. Principal: Do I sense, uh\u2026a little insolence? Lies are not explanations. Devon: I\u2019m not lying. Every day, these big jumbos come and take my money, they put me in the toilet, and hold me upside down. NC (voiceover): As you can see, Devon has been taking acting lessons that even the great Jake Lloyd would be jealous of. Principal: (holds out his phone to Devon) I have to call your grandmother. NC (voiceover): But on his way home, Devon comes across a chase scene with one of the city\u2019s most badass cops. (The detective rams his car into a fence that a bad guy is standing on and the bad guy lands on the hood of the car) Nick McKenna (Burt Reynolds): Get your filthy butt off my car! NC (voiceover): Wow, he does a really good Norm MacDonald impression, doesn\u2019t he? Nick: (struggles to grab onto the bad guy and forces him to look down at a utility belt carrying what look like vials) Did you drop something, Cordell? Looks like drugs! NC: It does? NC (voiceover): Looks more like my Mad Scientist chemistry set! (an image for Mad Scientist Monster Lab appears over the belt) NC: Holy shit, doctor! We were making drugs? Mad Scientist (from the \u201CMad Scientist Monster Lab\u201D commercial and dubbed by NC): Why do you think I\u2019m so manic all the time? Bad Guy: That ain\u2019t mine! Nick: You know who I am? NC (voiceover): Um, don\u2019t you think you should cuff him by now? I mean, it just gives him ample opportunity to do that (the bad guy spits in Nick\u2019s face), or that (the bad guy throws dirt in Nick\u2019s face), or that. (The bad tries to punch Nick, but misses. Nick knees the bad guy in the chest before we cut to him handcuffing the bad guy) Oh, yeah, now you get the idea. Hey, next time, why don\u2019t you read him his rights after he\u2019s executed? Nick: (speaks softly) I\u2019m gonna tie you to the car, you see. (He starts tying thin wire through the door handle of his car and ties the other end to the bad guy) \u2018Cause I don\u2019t want you getting in my car, OK? You ready? NC (voiceover): Uh, I don\u2019t think this is part of the script. I think this is Burt Reynolds just being Burt Reynolds. (Nick starts driving off with the bad guy running far behind) Bad Guy: Damn you, McKenna! You\u2019re not gonna do this! Not the freeway! (Cut to black and we hear a crash; cut next to NC\u2019s illustration of a tombstone labeled \u201CKilled by Burt Reynolds\u201D as we hear a grave music sting) NC (voiceover): So Devon, who, of course, has no parents and lives with his grandma, has plenty of free time to notice one of the cars Reynolds was chasing and calls the police. (Devon gets on his bike to go after the car instead) Oh, wait, I forgot; He IS the police! So he goes to solve it himself. Look, kid, you\u2019re not Penny Gadget. She had a computer book and an IQ of gazillion. You had a bit part in Sisters. (An image of the four main characters from Sisters is shown briefly) I don\u2019t think that\u2019s going to get you very far. So he follows the bandits under the cover of dark blue filtered day for night when suddenly, he comes across their crime boss. And I use that term VERY loosely. Vinnie Fountain: (sings in a jazzy style before his goons) Well! Hey. I\u2019m the type of guy that likes to roam around. (NC looks very puzzled by this) Oh, they call me the wanderer. Goons: (sing) The wanderer. Vinnie: (sings) Yeah, the wanderer. Goons: (sing) Whoa, whoa! Vinnie: (sings) I roam around and round and round and round. Goons: (sing) Round and round and round and round! Goon #1: Hey, boss, you killed me. Goon #2: You are my idol, Mr. Fountain! NC: OK, which reaction should I go with here? (Four images of NC\u2019s possible reactions are shown below him: frustrated, confused, puzzled with his eyes squinted, and frowning (all are labeled as 0, 1, 2, and 3 respectively); he points to 3 first) Um, that one's pretty good. (Points to 0) And that one\u2019s not bad, either. Nah, I think for this one, I\u2019m gonna go with number 2, the \u201CWhat the truckload of Christ?\u201D look. (He makes that very expression) NC (voiceover): Yeah, this is the crime boss they follow, the head of this division\u2019s mafia. I guess I shouldn\u2019t be too surprised. It is Henry Winkler directing it, so I guess it figures they jump the shark pretty fucking early in the game. Vinnie: Oooh. (sniffs once) Chu. (sniffs again) There\u2019s a fish in here. (snaps his fingers) Get rid of it. Chu: You got it, boss. (starts tying Rudy to a chair) Rudy (one of the goons): Hey, what are you doing?! I never said a word to McKenna! Vinnie: (sings) Splish, splash, I was taking a bath\u2026 NC (voiceover): Jesus, these schmucks are making the Goodfeathers look legitimate! Vinnie: (sings) All about a Saturday night! Bum, bum, bum, bum. (Bobby and Pesto from Animaniacs laugh while intercutting with footage of Vinnie) Pesto: (laughs) Oh, boy. Bobby: Make him stop! He\u2019s killing me! (stops laughing to speak to Pesto) Get him outta my face. NC (voiceover): Devon does see a henchman get murdered and writes down the license plate information. This means he\u2019s considered a witness by the police department. But there\u2019s just one little catch with that. Devon: You need me to testify and identify, right? Captain Rubio: Yes. Devon: I\u2019d like to cut a deal. Captain Rubio: He wants to be a cop. NC (voiceover): That\u2019s right! He won\u2019t give the information unless they make him an official cop! D\u2019ooooh! (Cut to Devon in an interrogation room with Nick, Rubio and a black detective) Captain Rubio: Why don\u2019t you just\u2026go ahead and give us that plate number? Devon: Make me a cop. Black Detective: Why do you want to be a cop? (gestures to Nick) Look at this guy. Raggedy ass clothes, bad back, bad marriage, bad attitude\u2026 NC: Is he talking about the character or Burt Reynolds? Devon: There\u2019s a shipment of euphoria coming in. Captain Rubio: Where? Devon: Don\u2019t know. But I got a name. (All three adults surround Devon) Nick: What\u2019s the name? Devon: I really want to give you this name. Nick: Mm-hm. Devon: You put me on duty, (snaps his fingers) it\u2019s yours. NC (voiceover): Now, in any other reality, I think we all know exactly how this would go down. NC: (as Devon) I want to be a cop, or you don\u2019t get any of the information you need! Detective (voice only, and also voiced by NC): OK, son, now, why don\u2019t you come with me? (NC (still as Devon) walks off camera right) Detective: Give me the name! (He starts punching NC off screen, and we see blood splattering across the screen as NC yells in pain) Give me the name! Give me the name, you little punk! I\u2019ll beat the living shit out of you! Give me the name! Give me the name! NC: (offscreen, as Devon) SHIRE! BAGGINS! Detective: (stops punching as speaks as though to other officers) Put a search out for Shire Baggins! NC (voiceover): But in this realm of retardation, we find that the police WILL make him a cop for a while, just so they can get the information. And on top of that, let\u2019s put the obvious last person they should on this assignment literally just for shits and giggles. Captain Rubio: (to Nick) You owe me. Nick: I don\u2019t owe you nothing. Captain Rubio: You owe me! Nick: I don\u2019t owe you nothing! NC: (as Captain Rubio) Hey, if Clint Eastwood can act with an orangutan, you can act with a little boy! NC (voiceover): So then the mob boss finds out about the witness and decides to act. (sighs) Right after he\u2019s done recording his album. Vinnie: (sings in a recording booth) Leaped into your eyes. Goon #1: You're amazing. Vinnie: (gets out of the booth) You really think so, huh? NC (voiceover): Why is it I get the feeling he gets picked on at the annual mobster meetings? Vinnie (from earlier in the film): (sings) Well, they call me the wanderer. Goons: (sing) The wanderer. Vinnie: (sings) Yeah, the wanderer. (Intercut with Tony Soprano from The Sopranos laughing to himself, as if Tony's laughing at Vinnie) NC (voiceover): So Reynolds and Devon are now a team. (chuckles) I\u2019m gonna predict that this is hijink-tacular! Devon: My shield, my badge. Nick: Alright, here you are. (He hands a badge to Devon) Devon: I always wanted one of these. Nick: (points to his car) Get in the car. NC: (mimics Nick) I\u2019m acting. Devon: (speaks into a police squad box microphone to test it out) This is Detective Butler. Nick: What are you doing? Devon: (speaks into the microphone) Where are you at? Nick: What are you doing? (grabs the microphone away from Devon) Devon: You give me no joy. NC: Hey, I think that was the critical recommendation for the DVD! (The movie poster for Cop and a Half is shown with NC\u2019s fake critic quote \u201CYou give me no joy. \u2013Gene Shalit\u201D shown within it) NC (voiceover): So they banter a bit, he (Devon) acts annoying, he (Nick) acts stupid, he (Devon) thinks a purse is being stolen when really it\u2019s just a guy returning it to his wife, it\u2019s pretty fucking boring. Hell, there\u2019s even a fruit stand they don\u2019t knock over. How can you call yourself a 1990s buddy cop movie and not knock over the goddamn fruit stand?! The one clich\u00E9 you\u2019re supposed to follow, and you fucked it up. Look at Reynolds; he\u2019s supposed to be acting in this scene, but you know, all he\u2019s thinking in his head is, \u201CGod, I wanna hit that fruit stand! God, I wanna hit that fruit stand! Bam, bam, bam! Oranges flyin\u2019 everywhere!\u201D But no, you totally missed it. NC: Hand over your badge, movie! You\u2019re suspended! Nick: (speaks slowly to Devon) Give me...the plate\u2026number. Devon: Plate number N6B-72G. NC (voiceover): Okay, so the kid finally gives him the license plate number as well as the name he heard called Bobo. It turns out the license plate is under a fake name, so all they have to go on is finding out who Bobo is. So\u2026logically, the kid is of no use now. They can just drop him back home, right? Fuck that shit! We still got an hour left! He\u2019s staying around whether it makes any sense or not! (At the police station, the phone rings on the black detective\u2019s desk) Black Detective: (to Devon) I\u2019m listening to you. (Devon picks up the phone to answer it) NC (voiceover): (sputters in rage) Wha-je-buh-YOU\u2019RE LETTING THE KID ANSWER THE PHONE?!! WHAT THE FUCK\u2019S WRONG WITH THIS POLICE STATION?! Devon: (answers the phone) Officer Butler here. What did the cat look like? Calm down. No, I\u2019m eight. (A click is heard on the other end before a dial tone) Hello? NC (voiceover): Yeah, no shit! I\u2019d hang up, too! What if there was a real emergency going on on the other line? NC: (as Devon, speaking into his phone) Hello, Officer Butler speaking. (deep laughter from a couple men are heard on the other end) You say someone\u2019s trying to break into your house? (laughter continues) You say the robber has a gun? You say he shot you in the ribs? Oh, oh, hold on. (Puts his phone on hold to speak to someone offscreen) What does \u201CMy husband will sue you for negligence\u201D mean? (the slamming of police car doors are heard before we hear sirens go off) Guys? NC (voiceover): So they go looking for all the Bobos in town. The first one is a crazy artist who\u2019s in his own little world. Devon: Detective Butler here. Nick: Is your name Bobo? (Bobo #1, dressed in blue, swings down from a tall height on a wire) The Tick (audio): SPOON!!! (Bobo # 1 then comes in contact with a wall that looks like a dollar bill, leaving a blue painted imprint himself on it) Bobo #1: Perfect. Nick: (speaks quietly to Devon) Listen, I don\u2019t think this is the guy. NC (voiceover): Again, I would much rather know the story of this guy rather than anyone else in the movie, but let\u2019s keep following our heroes. We see they find another Bobo who\u2019s getting thrown out of his apartment by his wife because he forgot their anniversary. Bobo #2: Today? It feels like a Wednesday, I don\u2019t know. Bobo #2\u2019s Wife: Tell me! (She starts throwing plates down to her husband from up above) NC: (speaks and gestures with a New York accent) Hey, come on, I\u2019m a Danny DeVito decoy here. Don\u2019t make me do any more of my New York Italian stereotype! NC (voiceover): But Devon heads up there and sets everything straight with his unbelievable words of wisdom. Devon: (to Bobo #2\u2019s wife) You think it\u2019s bad he forgot an anniversary? It\u2019s not so bad. I have these big jumbos who always throws me in a toilet. You two at least have each other. (Heavenly music from Monty Python's Life of Brian plays as Bobo #2\u2019s Wife contemplates on what he just said and looks down at her husband) Bobo #2\u2019s Wife: (smiles) Yeah. You may be right. Devon: Bobo, start up the stairs. (Bobo #2\u2019s Wife kisses Devon on the cheek) NC: Oh, great Devon Lama. Feed us more with your enlightenment. (An image of the Dalai Lama is shown with Devon\u2019s head superimposed over his, and Devon speaks) Devon: They came from outer space. NC (voiceover): So Devon is dropped off at his home, but finds the mob boss is there, posing as a school counselor to see if he recognizes him. Vinnie: You recognize me? Devon: No. Vinnie: You haven\u2019t seen me around school, huh? Devon: No. NC (voiceover): Devon doesn\u2019t let on at first, but he eventually figures out that it\u2019s him. He does the smart thing and calls the cops to let them know that he came by. NC: So, what now? Put him and his grandma in the witness protection program? NC (voiceover): Well, how about giving Devon a sleepover with Burt Reynolds and keeping Grandma in the exact same fucking location?! No wonder they haven\u2019t solved this case yet! These cops are as logical as the justice system in Wonderland! Braveheart (from Care Bears in Wonderland): (appears next to Nick) Pickled beets? (groans) Grandma: (hugs Devon) Take care of yourself, Devon. Devon: I will. (Grandma gets up to leave before Nick shuts the apartment door behind him; The \u201COdd Couple\u201D theme music starts to play out as we get scenes of Devon and Nick together in Nick\u2019s home) NC (voiceover): (as a TV announcer) On November 13th, Devon Butler was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from the half-assed police department. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of dick-cheese actor Burt Reynolds. Several years earlier, Burt\u2019s wife threw him out, requesting that he never return. Can two obnoxious personalities share an apartment without driving each other crazy? (NC\u2019s title \u201CThe Oddly Contrived Couple\u201D appears over Devon and Nick briefly as the \u201COdd Couple\u201D theme music finishes; Cut to Nick locking his door before looking down at Devon as we hear a thunderclap) NC: (as Nick, leaning forward with an evil smile) Well...no badge...no law. (He starts punching like mad at the camera as though he's beating up Devon) NC (voiceover): After more bickering and shit-ass dialogue, we see Reynolds hears a sound in the middle of the night. (Nick slowly goes through his apartment with his gun ready; he quickly turns around and has his gun aimed at Devon\u2019s forehead) NC: Shoot him, shoot him, shoot him, shoot him! (With relief, Nick slowly puts his gun down) NC: Oh, God, we could\u2019ve ended the movie right there! (The clip of Nick quickly turning around to aim his gun at Devon\u2019s forehead is shown again, this time cutting to black and a gunshot is heard; Cut to fake end credits (with \u201CDirected by Henry Winkler\u201D and \u201CProduced by Alan Smithee\u201D shown) of the movie as the theme song from Different Strokes plays out) Singers: Now, the world don\u2019t move to the beat of just one drum. NC (voiceover): So Reynolds decides he can\u2019t do this, because\u2026well, he\u2019s a fucking psycho with a gun\u2026but the chief sees it different. Captain Rubio: Well, I guess the kid has gotten to you, huh? Nick: Give the kid to McPhail! (He leaves the restroom but then returns) He likes cornflakes in the morning. NC (voiceover): (as Captain Rubio, who is smiling) Aww, he bonded with him 'cause he almost shot him. NC (voiceover): (normal) So another officer gets to look after the kid, one who would most assuredly treat him with much more responsibility than Reynolds did. Det. Matt McPhail: Book him, Danno. Devon: Yes! (Cut to Devon speaking to an innocent citizen at the driver\u2019s window) Devon: License and registration, please, Mr. Fleming. (NC slams his head on his desk in disbelief) Mr. Fleming: What\u2019s going on here? McPhail: (speaks into his microphone from his squad car) Officer Butler has full jurisdiction here. Devon: Step out of your car, please, sir. NC (voiceover): Oh, yeah! This won\u2019t draw any attention to the kid at all! Nobody would ever find a little boy pulling over a grown man for speeding suspicious! My God! Dudley Fucking Do-Right would follow better protocol than these idiots! I'd trust my life to a donut before I put it in the hands of these fucking yokels! NC: And I know what you\u2019re thinking: \"Oh, what are the chances of some of the henchmen stumbling across him while he\u2019s doing this?\" Well, guess what? NC (voiceover): Some of the henchmen stumble across him while he\u2019s doing this. YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT THEIR FUCKEST, PEOPLE! Nick: (shouts from up above) DEVON! (It almost sounds like \u201CDebah!\u201D a bit here) NC: Wait, what did he say? Nick: DEVON! NC (voiceover): Yes, somebody please help DEBAH!! Be sure to let DEBAH!! know that he\u2019s in DERY BIG TROUBAH! (Nick runs up to Devon as the car with the two henchmen inside drive off the road to hit at Devon, who is on the ground) Devon: No! (Nick dives to move Devon out of the way before the car returns to the road) NC (voiceover): No! They were gonna\u2026miss anyway. Devon: That was just like Miami Vice. NC (voiceover): So it\u2019s decided that he should look after the boy, as Reynolds decides to do the safe thing again by bringing him on his assignments. If you haven\u2019t guessed yet, folks, I\u2019m not blown away with the police work here. (At the bar, Nick approaches a shirtless strong man) Nick: You Mr. Bobo? Bobo #3: Ask your mother. Nick: Good, because I want to talk to you. (He starts to grab Bobo #3, but gets grabbed and pushed across the bar) NC (voiceover): He gets in a fight with the real Bobo guy, when suddenly, the kid has an idea to bail him out. (Devon turns on a warning siren inside Nick\u2019s car and speaks into the microphone; all the bar patrons hear this and quickly leave the bar on their motorbikes) Devon: This is the SWAT team commander. We have you surrounded. Throw down your weapons. The police are here. NC (voiceover): Really? The people honestly thought the little kid at the microphone was a cop? That\u2019s pretty dumb. (chuckles) I mean, what\u2019s next? A hostage negotiation handled by a three-year-old girl? (NC sits and looks off-screen camera left before looking back at the camera) NC: Oh, I don\u2019t have a bit. I'm just asking. NC (voiceover): So the next day, Reynolds decides AGAIN that he\u2019s not qualified to look after the kid. I know Ping Pong balls that don\u2019t go back and forth as much as he does! Nick: (argues with Devon) Are you some kind of bonehead or what? I can\u2019t handle this anymore. I cannot handle it anymore. Devon: You call this being a father? NC: (starts to answer, but stops to wonder) Which page are we on? Nick: I\u2019m not your father. Darth Vader (from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back): No. I am your father. Nick: I\u2019m not your partner, either! Devon: Fine! I don\u2019t want you to be my father! I don\u2019t want you to be my partner! (He starts to walk away and across the street) I\u2019m gonna handle things myself! Nick: Aw, Devon. Devon! NC (voiceover): DEBAH!! Oh, my God, he has a hard enough time saying the kid\u2019s name than Stallone does saying the word \u201Claw.\u201D Judge Dredd (from Judge Dredd): You betrayed the law! Rico Dredd (from Judge Dredd): LAAAW! Nick: Will you come\u2014(a bus drives between where Nick and Devon stand) Devon! (Once the bus passes by, Devon has disappeared; the X-Files theme music plays over this as Nick looks around a bit) NC (voiceover): So DEBAHH! goes to the school playground where more hitmen try to get him. You know, \u2018cause a public place like that certainly won\u2019t draw any attention to an assassination. Hitman #1: All right, everybody! Sit down! (All the children at the playground immediately sit down on the ground) Where is Devon Butler? Boy #1: (stands up to raise his hand) I\u2019m Devon Butler. Girl #1: (stands up to raise her hand) I\u2019m Devon Butler. Man #1 (from Spartacus): I\u2019m Spartacus! Man #2 (from Spartacus): I\u2019m Spartacus! Man #3 (from Spartacus): I\u2019m Spartacus! Two Girls: (stand up to raise their hands) I\u2019m Devon Butler! Boy #2: (stands up to raise his hand) I\u2019m Devon Butler! Man #1 (from Monty Python\u2019s Life of Brian): I\u2019m Brian! Man #2 (from Monty Python\u2019s Life of Brian): I\u2019m Brian! Man #3 (from Monty Python\u2019s Life of Brian): I\u2019m Brian! Boy #3: (stands up to raise his hand) I\u2019m Devon Butler! The other children on the playground: (stand up to raise their hands) I\u2019m Devon Butler! Boy #1 (from Malcolm X): I\u2019m Malcolm X! Boy #2 (from Malcolm X): I\u2019m Malcolm X! (All the children on the playground cheer together as the two hitmen walk away) Boy #3: Fire! (Three boys throw their Twinkies at the first hitman; the camera follows one of the Twinkies as it hits the man in the forehead) NC: Did this movie just invent the Twinkie Cam? (The clip of the Twinkie approaching the first hitman and hitting him in the forehead is shown again) NC: That\u2026needs to be seen more. NC (voiceover): But just when it looks like DEBAH!! escaped, it appears the kid is actually stupid enough to sneak inside their car and get caught. Devon: (hides under a blanket in the back seat) Through radio. (Hitman #1 pulls the blanket off while driving before Devon sits up) You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say\u2014 (Cut to black, and a gunshot is heard; NC\u2019s fake credits for the movie (along with the Different Strokes theme song) are shown again) Singers: Now, the world don\u2019t move to the beat of just one drum. NC (voiceover): No, no, again, that would make sense, but instead, they just bring the kid to the crime boss, who THEN tells them that they can shoot him. Don\u2019t you think he would\u2019ve told them to do that in the first place? (Cut to a man wearing a dark motorcycle helmet riding through a warehouse on his motorcycle as two goons are handling Devon personally) Goon: Hey, Bobo, you\u2019re late! (The man steps off his motorbike to approach the goons) NC (voiceover): (sounds bored) It\u2019s Burt Reynolds. It\u2019s Burt Reynolds. It\u2019s Burt Reynolds. He\u2019s half the size. He doesn\u2019t talk. It\u2019s Burt Reynolds. (The man takes off his helmet to reveal that it\u2019s Nick) Oh, hey! It\u2019s Burt Reynolds. (Nick starts a fight by throwing his helmet at Goon #2) So he punches the thugs and rides the kid out on the bike. Or he walks right past the bike and entraps himself deeper inside the warehouse. Whew! I thought someone almost grew a brain cell there. Nick: (throws Devon on top of a pile of burlap sacks) Stay put. NC (voiceover): But then Reynolds suddenly realizes, \u201CDUHH! I have a bike!\u201D and uses that to escape, right before stealing one of the gangster\u2019s boats. Hitman #1: (stands with Vinnie on his boat) They\u2019re gonna jump the pipe! (Nick and Devon yell as their boat rides up two pipes, lands on the dock and crashes into a pile of wooden crates) NC (voiceover): So the gangsters decide they can do the exact same thing, do the exact same thing, and end up in a completely different location. (Vinnie\u2019s boat lands in a giant garbage bin; Cut to Devon pulling on a metal chain that lets fish chunks flow out of a pipe and onto Vinnie) Vinnie: Hey! Cut it out! Nick Tatopoulos (from Godzilla): That\u2019s a lot of fish. NC (voiceover): So the cops arrest the mob boss, and we end with Reynolds and DEBAH!! taking a boat ride with his grandma. Grandma: This is the life. (The camera pulls back to show the three on a small boat together before the screen fades to black) NC (voiceover): That was WEAK! NC: And this movie is stupid. What else can you say but \u201CKill me!\u201D (Clips from the movie play again as NC speaks) NC (voiceover): The little boy isn\u2019t very entertaining, Burt Reynolds always looks like he\u2019s ready for lunch, and the plot is every boring throwaway clich\u00E9 from both kids films AND cops films from the 1990s. It\u2019s a pile of ass on a pile of balls with a pile of dick. What\u2019s that make? A pile load of Ass-Ball-Dick. (Accompanying text is shown onscreen) NC: Well, Mr. Director, what do you have to say for yourself? Fonzie (from Happy Days): Eyyyyy! NC: (mocks Fonzie) Eyyyyyy! (flips off at the camera with both hands) Fuck you! I\u2019m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don\u2019t have to. (He gets up to leave) THE END (The theme to Different Strokes plays as the credits music) Channel Awesome Tagline\u2014 Nick: DEVON! (Cut to the clip of Nick eying the fruit stand from his squad car) NC (voiceover): (as Nick) God, I wanna hit that fruit stand! God, I wanna hit that fruit stand! God, I wanna hit that fruit stand!"@en . . "Cop and a Half"@en . . . "Nc_cop_and_a_half_by_marobot-d460t8z.jpg"@en . . "Roger Tweten"@en . "Nick McKenna (Burt Reynolds) is a tough, fearless, solitary and resentful cop from Florida. After his partner dies in an operation to apprehend drugs, he takes the responsibility of the tragedy. Devon Butler (Norman D. Golden II) is an 8-year-old kid who is obsessed with cop-movies and dreams of becoming a policeman some day. One day, while snooping around in a warehouse, Devon witnesses a murder & goes to the police, but he refuses to give them information it unless they make him a cop. They team him up with McKenna and together, they team up in a comical series of events to find the killer. The two of them eventually come to a mutual understanding in order to bring the killer to justice."@en . "Cop and A Half"@en . . . "Link"@en . . "Previous review"@en . . . "Arne Olsen"@en . "NC: Hello, I\u2019m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don\u2019t have to. Let\u2019s talk about Burt Reynolds. (Images and footage of Burt Reynolds and his films are shown as NC speaks) NC (voiceover): In the \u201870s and \u201880s, he was one of the biggest stars in the world. With big hits like \u201CThe Longest Yard,\u201D \u201CDeliverance\u201D and \u201CSmokey and the Bandit,\u201D Burt was on top of the world. But then his attitude started making headlines. He would go through a messy divorce, get in fights on shows, [and] even slap reporters on air. On top of that, he filed for bankruptcy because of bad investments and an extreme lifestyle. After a while, people stopped hiring him because they were fucking scared shitless of him."@en . .