":Lois: Why the hell would Daddy buy the Brewery?\n:Brian: Well, there's children in the room. Watch your swearing.\n----\n:Joe: I have to confiscate your license and you're gonna have to walk home.\n:Brian: But, can't you at least just give me a ride?\n:Joe: No can do, Amigo.\n:Brian: Alright, I guess I'll just call an Uber.\n:[Brian calls an Uber and Joe's phone rings]\n:Joe: Are you Brian?\n----\n:Co-Worker: Goodnight, Peter.\n:Peter: Goodnight, gender transitioned co-worker, we had a whole meeting about.\n----\n:Tricia: Peter, are you sure you heard Mr. Pewterschmidt correctly? He actually said he wanted cheap, toxic materials inserted into the Brewery supply stream?\n:Peter: Well, his eyes looked different, how he said it, but that was the gist.\n----\n:Tricia: Mr. Griffin, it sounds like you've brought me an interesting story. What should I do with it, Ollie?\n:Ollie: MAKE IT NEWS!\n:Peter: Oh, you've got a standing desk too?\n:Ollie: SITTING'S BAD!\n:Peter: I know, they don't wanna hear it though.\n----\n:Peter: I swear, Mama Tricia. I'm gonna make you the proudest tiger mom of all. Not like how Jesus feels about his kid.\n:[Cutaway to Jesus and his son, Billy]\n:Billy: Dad, I got bullied at school. They flipped up my lunch tray.\n:Jesus: Oh, that sucks. I wonder if that's the worst thing that ever happened to a guy. [takes out a Bible] Whoa. Whoa! Billy, this guy in the book here, he's really getting the business. Yikes! Okay, I'm sorry, what happened at school today?\n:Billy: You're kind of a dick, dad.\n:Jesus: Huh, I wonder if there's anyone in here, whose dad was a bigger dick. Wow, crazy!\n----\n:Tricia: Alright, Peter. It's time to master the game of chess.\n:Peter: Okay, that shouldn't be too hard.\n:[Peter tries grabbing a chess piece and Tricia slaps him]\n:Tricia: No! You will do it in the traditional Japanese way. On a wacky game show, while a beautiful woman beats your scrotum with a reed.\n:[Cutaway to Peter on a game show, and getting beaten with a reed]\n:Peter: Ow! I don't know which way the horse goes! [Peter gets hit again and a guy laughs at him] Aaah! Why is that guy laughing at me and where is he?\n:[A buzzer goes off]\n:Peter: There was a time limit? Nobody told me that!\n:Japanese Guy: Time for Good Door Bad Door!\n:Peter: Wait, how bad is the bad door?\n:[Fast forward to many years later, Peter is an old amputee, talking to his son]\n:Peter's Son: Grandpa-san, how bad was the bad door?\n:Peter: Not too bad, but shorty afterwards, I was almost eaten alive by an escalator.\n:[Buzzer goes off]\n:Peter: The game is still going on?\n:Japanese Guy: Oh, ho, ho. You lose chess.\n----\n:[Stewie is teaching Brian how to drive]\n:Stewie: IPDE, Brian, IPDE!\n:Brian: What?\n:Stewie: IPDE! Identify, predict, decide, execute. You've got to constantly be IPDEing everything in your target zone.\n:Brian: I ... I ... I ... I don't know what you're saying.\n:Stewie: IPDE! Identify, predict, ...\n:Brian: Yeah, you said that but it doesn't mean any ...\n:Stewie: IPDE THAT!\n:Brian: Um, it's a child with a ball.\n:Stewie: Very good, identify. Now predict.\n:Brian: Predict what?\n:Stewie: IPDE!\n:Brian: You keep saying that like it's a word. Those four letters don't make a word. It's not helping me remember anything.\n:Stewie: Oh, now you've got an oncoming vehicle. Pay attention to your four to six second zone.\n:Brian: What? What is that? Four to six second?\n:Stewie: IPDE the car. IPDE the car!\n:Brian: What does that mean?\n:Stewie: Now, check your gages with one eye, while keeping your other eye on the road.\n:Brian: My eyes go in the same direction.\n:Stewie: What's your tire pressure?\n:Brian: I ... I can't ... I don't ... I'm in the car!\n:Stewie: Stop! [Brian stops the car] Demerit!\n:Brian: Stewie, I know how to drive. I've been driving for years!\n:[Another guy drives by]\n:Guy: Ever hear of IPDE, jackass!?\n----\n:[Peter craps, orgasms, and barfs, while wearing a suit]\n:Peter: Aw, crap. THis thing was a rental.\n:[Cutaway to Peter rushing into the store, throwing the tux in there, and leaving in a hurry]\n:Peter: Here's your tux back, bye!"@en . "How the Griffin Stole Christmas"@en . "Carter and Tricia/Quotes"@en . "Carter and Tricia"@en . . "High School English"@en . .