"Surgical Strategies"@en . "Originally published in Short-Story.me 2014 Cedric Goram had attended many meetings in his time. Not long ago he had attended one wearing an orange jump suit and handcuffs. Today, as head of Human Resources at Huber Moneda Hospital, he was attending the monthly all-staff meeting wearing a designer sport coat and silver cufflinks. The hospital\u2019s Chief Financial Officer, Brian Asch, stood at the podium. Brian wore a fine light-weight pinstripe suit and a toupee. He was talking about profitability. Cedric himself had always been a people person, not a numbers geek. His mind wandered. \u201COh?\u201D"@en . . . . "Originally published in Short-Story.me 2014 Cedric Goram had attended many meetings in his time. Not long ago he had attended one wearing an orange jump suit and handcuffs. Today, as head of Human Resources at Huber Moneda Hospital, he was attending the monthly all-staff meeting wearing a designer sport coat and silver cufflinks. The hospital\u2019s Chief Financial Officer, Brian Asch, stood at the podium. Brian wore a fine light-weight pinstripe suit and a toupee. He was talking about profitability. Cedric himself had always been a people person, not a numbers geek. His mind wandered. The conference room featured sleek chandeliers illuminating leather chairs and a new hardwood floor. Cedric\u2019s eye automatically sought portable items \u2013 the calculation of portability-to-value ratios was one of his areas of expertise \u2013 and he noted a Waterford crystal pitcher and matching tumblers on a cherry sideboard. However, his examination of the room\u2019s contents was strictly an academic exercise. He would not risk spoiling the first legitimate gig he\u2019d had in over 15 years. He wasn\u2019t getting any younger, and it was time to settle down. \u201C\u2026.market share,\u201D bean-counter Brian was saying. \u201CWe\u2019ve invested a lot of money in the Surgery Tower. Unfortunately, surgical revenues are falling all across the region, and our return on investment is impacted.\u201D As he spoke, he directed a red laser dot at various areas of a graph projected behind him. \u201CWhat can we do to boost our surgery numbers?\u201D Brian Asch asked, wrapping up. \u201CRecommend HMH to your friends. Encourage your healthcare providers to send their patients to us. You\u2019re the solution, people, work it!\u201D Cedric, an experienced practitioner of persuasive techniques, caught the tired-looking nurse beside him rolling her eyes. Most of the young people in the row ahead were busily texting. Brian Asch had failed to captivate his audience. Resisting a slight temptation to pocket one of the crystal glasses, Cedric left the conference room and headed for home. Later, as he was seated on the patio of his foothills condo, sipping a martini and watching the mountains turn pink in the sunset, the phone rang. \u201CCy? Hey, it\u2019s Brian,\u201D said the voice. \u201COh, yes,\u201D said Cedric. \u201CHow\u2019re you doing this beautiful evening?\u201D \u201CFine, thanks. What can I do for you, Brian?\u201D \u201CWell, here\u2019s the thing, Cy. I\u2019d like to speak with you. I was wondering if you might be able to drop by the house this evening.\u201D \u201CI\u2019m a little busy right now, Brian, how about tomorrow, in the office?\u201D said Cedric, who disliked the unexpected. \u201CSeriously, just a word,\u201D said Brian. \u201CAnd we\u2019re practically neighbors here on the East side, right? Say, are you a Scotch drinker? I have a great single malt to share.\u201D Brian, as CFO, was effectively Cedric\u2019s boss. \u201COn my way,\u201D said Cedric. Brian\u2019s large stone and glass house was perched on a ridge with panoramic views of both cityscape and mountains. \u201CCy!\u201D Brian opened the door. The house decor was similar to that of the hospital conference room, undoubtedly a creation of the same interior designer. \u201CSit, sit!\u201D said Brian. He busied himself at a well-stocked bar. \u201CHere, try this,\u201D he said, offering a crystal glass containing a couple inches of golden liquid. The tumbler was a twin to the crystal in the conference room. \u201CSo,\u201D said Brian. He paused. \u201CThis is a little difficult,\u201D he added. \u201CThe thing is, Cy, well, I just happened to find out you didn\u2019t actually attend Yale University,\u201D Brian said. \u201COh?\u201D \u201CIt\u2019s the alumni office there in New Haven, Cy. They never heard of you.\u201D Cedric shrugged. \u201CBureaucrats,\u201D he said, and took a sip of Scotch. \u201CWell, maybe, but \u2026 we really pressed them on this, Cy, and they just don\u2019t have any record. On the other hand, the FBI and the cops in Cincinnati and San Francisco had no trouble locating their records on you.\u201D The bean counter shook his head and clucked his tongue. Cedric saw the CFO\u2019s toupee shift slightly. Not a great fit. \u201CFelony burglary, Cy. And the silver-trading scam, you served five years on that one.\u201D \u201CI\u2019ve paid my debt to society, Brian.\u201D \u201CBut the point here is, well, you lied about all of it on your application, my friend. Felonies, that\u2019s serious stuff.\u201D Asch tasted his Scotch, savored, swallowed. \u201CSee, the hard part here is, Cy, we\u2019ve been really happy with your work. I\u2019d say you have a natural talent for it.\u201D \u201CI\u2019ve enjoyed the challenges,\u201D said Cedric. \u201CThe way you handled that recruiter\u2019s labor grievance last summer was sheer genius.\u201D \u201CI\u2019m happy to take credit where it\u2019s due, Brian, but you do recall she actually quit?\u201D \u201CExactly,\u201D said Brian. \u201CShe went over to Cactus Sunrise East, so she\u2019s their headache now. Our legal staff was completely satisfied with that outcome. And by the way she\u2019s the one who alerted me to the, ah, anomalies in your background\u2026 I guess she was kind of mad at you! Anyhoo,\u201D he continued, \u201Cwe don\u2019t want to lose you. But this stuff with the application and resume inaccuracies and all, I mean, it just doesn\u2019t fly. You can appreciate that, Cy, right?\u201D Cedric carefully put his empty tumbler down. \u201COk,\u201D he said. \u201CWhat\u2019s the deal?\u201D \u201CWell,\u201D said Brian, \u201Cso, it\u2019s looking like we might need to let you go.\u201D \u201CYou can fire me in 3 minutes in your office. Why the Scotch?\u201D \u201CHere\u2019s the thing, Cy,\u201D Brian said. \u201CYou were at the meeting today, right? We\u2019ve got three-point-five million dollars in that darn Surgery Tower, and the darn place is half empty. We\u2019re so far below our budget projections for the year, it isn\u2019t even funny.\u201D \u201CSurgery numbers are down all over, if I understood your graphs this morning.\u201D \u201CTrue, Cy, sadly true. It isn\u2019t that we\u2019re not topnotch, I mean, we have state of the art everything, and those private rooms with the spectacular views, and the good-looking nurses (male and female, Cy), and the new marble floors \u2013 those are really nice, have you seen them? No, the problem isn\u2019t us. It\u2019s that people aren\u2019t having surgery.\u201D \u201CSome might consider that a good thing, Brian,\u201D said Cedric. \u201CLong term, yes, Cy, yes of course. Healthy community is the goal. Meanwhile, though, we\u2019ve got to keep the operation going, if you see what I mean. If we don\u2019t survive, the community suffers. And here\u2019s the thing, Cy, if we don\u2019t get more bodies on gurneys pretty quick we\u2019re not going to survive.\u201D \u201CI do see what you mean, Brian. What I don\u2019t see is what it has to do with me.\u201D Brian sat, set down his glass and leaned forward. \u201CWe don\u2019t want to lose you, Cy. Luckily, at the moment this is just between you and me.\u201D \u201CAnd the recruiter who\u2019s now at CSE,\u201D said Cedric. \u201COh, right. Well, she\u2019s a\u2026 good friend of mine. Don\u2019t worry about her.\u201D Brian winked. \u201CSo I was thinking everything over, and it struck me that you might have some special skills we could use in this situation.\u201D \u201CSuch as?\u201D said Cedric. \u201CI think you had an assault conviction in there somewhere, didn\u2019t you, Cy?\u201D said Brian. \u201CAncient history,\u201D said Cedric. \u201CYou want me to beat someone up? Not my thing these days, Brian, it\u2019s more a young man\u2019s game.\u201D \u201CNo, no, haha!\u201D said Brian. \u201CNo, I meant more generally, being used to, uh, coloring outside the lines, maybe you could help us think outside the box here at HMH.\u201D \u201CWhat do you have in mind, Brian,\u201D said Cedric, \u201Cexactly?\u201D \u201CBicycles,\u201D said Brian. Two months later, Cedric set up a canvas umbrella chair near the route of the Prickly Pear Blossom Senior Cycling Classic. He\u2019d picked this spot carefully, where the race course ran over a flat stretch, with a sharp turn to the next downslope. He shifted the chair around, assessing the view. When the chair was perfectly situated, mostly out of sight of racers and spectators, and shielded from above by its umbrella, Cedric took two items out of his pockets, sat, and composed himself to wait. \u201CJust to be perfectly clear,\u201D Brian had said, \u201Cwe don\u2019t want any accidental fatalities. Killing people doesn\u2019t help the Surgery Tower, Cy. We can\u2019t do hip pinning on corpses. Let\u2019s just get few of the seniors, Lord bless \u2018em, knocked off their bikes, cracked femurs, broken wrists, like that. We\u2019ll fix \u2018em up good as new. Think of it as a pilot project. Going forward we can tweak operational details, look at other surgical specialties besides orthopedics, focus on folks with the Cadillac insurances. By the way,\u201D he\u2019d added, \u201Cnot to micromanage, but I\u2019d appreciate if you let me know where you plan to, uh, get the job done. Don\u2019t tell me details. I just want to be there to admire the result.\u201D A week before the bicycle race, Cedric stopped in the CFO\u2019s office. \u201CTry standing on the north side of the route west of Paseo Diablo Dorado,\u201D he said. \u201CGood view there.\u201D That day, on the way back to his own office, mindful of operational expenses , Cedric detoured to the deserted conference room and picked the lock on a mahogany cabinet. Now the racers came streaming into sight over the top of the ridge, on to the short flat stretch before the final descent began. Here, the riders slowed slightly, aiming water bottles at their mouths or turning to speak to other cyclists. The sun was just past its zenith, the sky brilliantly blue. The group began to roll down the slope, picking up speed. In Cedric\u2019s left hand the laser pointer moved, sending a tiny beam of red light dancing among the leading cyclists, dazzling and flash-blinding their aging eyes. Startled riders turned their heads away. Bicycles swerved, wobbled, careened into each other. Caught in the chaos, five elderly folks tumbled to the pavement. As they fell, Cedric fired the small gun in his right hand, the sound of the shot lost amidst the metallic cacophony of a cycling catastrophe. A figure standing on the side of the road jerked convulsively and catapulted backward, disappearing into a cactus-filled ditch. As the body vanished, a small furry-looking object twirled sideways, landing on the edge of the road. There it settled like a flattened brown squirrel, its trajectory closely observed by a turkey vulture floating overhead. The crowd was churning and shouting. Four of the fallen cyclists were writhing in pain, and one sat groaning, holding his elbow. No one looked in Cedric\u2019s direction. Cedric stood, pocketed the pointer and gun, folded his chair and slipped it into its canvas bag. Back in the day, assassination had been Cedric\u2019s most polished skill. But one such job had earned him a nasty scar, and another had left him vomiting on his shoes. So eventually he had moved on, taking less dangerous, more esthetically pleasing, directions. But whatever the job, he\u2019d never reneged on a contract and never lied to a client, and this project was no exception: old folks down, no accidental fatalities. The phone rang as he sat in his BMW, sirens howling past. It was Sophia Vanderpoole, the recruiter who had investigated Cedric\u2019s background and divulged it to Asch. Now, she wanted Cedric to bring red wine for dinner. Sophia had been annoyed when he first contacted her six weeks ago, but they soon got beyond that, neither of them being in the habit of bearing grudges. \u201CGood day?\u201D Sophia asked that evening. \u201CVery,\u201D said Cedric, pulling the cork from the bottle. \u201CSoph, what would you think about us getting married?\u201D \u201CMaybe,\u201D said Sophia. \u201CPut the past behind us?\u201D \u201CDefinitely,\u201D said Cedric. \u201CParis honeymoon?\u201D \u201CDone,\u201D said Sophia. Six weeks following the tragic events at the Prickly Pear Blossom Senior Cycling Classic, Cedric Goram became CFO of Huber Moneda Hospital, replacing the late Brian Asch. \u201CA new hat for you,\u201D said the CEO. \u201CNo toupee, though,\u201D said Cedric. \u201CThank God,\u201D said the CEO. Two months later, newlyweds Cedric and Sophia attended an estate sale at the Asch home, where they purchased a set of Waterford crystal tumblers."@en . . . .