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The Colbert Report/Episodes/Season1/November

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Stephen delights in a correction by The New York Times stating they had misreported The Colbert Report's first episode's "Wørd" as "trustiness" rather than "truthiness," and provides "cat" as this episode's "Wørd" so the Times will have something easy enough for them to get right. Bring 'Em Back Or Leave 'Em Dead: Asian Edition; Formidable Opponent: Torture Stephen paraphrases Country Music Award Nominees and places a chocolate portrait of Viggo Mortensen on his bookshelf to commemorate the 15th anniversary of the Internets. Stephen adds pant cuffs to the "On Notice" board but has to move New York Intellectuals to the "Dead to Me" board to make room; Part five of "Better Know a District" with Mark Udall of Colorado's 2nd District. The Colbert Report Emergency Evacuation Manual; Showing of documentary made about his interview with Ken Burns; first appearance of "Formidable Opponent" - Stephen debates himself on the topic of charity. Stephen takes calls from "The Heroes"; Stephen Settles the Debate: Faith vs. Science. Stephen replaces Scott McClellan with Terrell Owens's agent, to do a better job repelling questions at a White House press conference; Part four of "Better Know a District," with John Mica of Florida's 7th District; another "All You Need to Know"; and a visit from the spirit of Jon Stewart, who tells us that the studio of the Report was built on an Indian burial ground. Rioting Do's and Don't's; Colbert marks premiere of The Colbert Report in Canada by welcoming Canadians as fellow "it-getters"; bears, the soulless killing machines, top the Threat Down once again. Colbert attacks Barney Frank for calling his show a waste of time. Stephen attacks bloggers for intercepting footage of him before he interviewed Bradley Whitford; Stephen played the recording of the telephone call he got from the man he called his mentor, Wilford Brimley; Promo for Yet Another Day. Stephen is brought to tears by the resignation of Randy "Duke" Cunningham. California's 50th congressional district is now "dead to him" and "Better Know a District" is now a 434 part series. Report is led in by the collapse of the Canadian Liberal government via a non-confidence vote. Also, he had a photo montage of Duke Cunningham's Things played at the end. First installment of "Was It Really That Bad?" on The Plague. Part three of "Better Know a District" with Stephanie Tubbs Jones of Ohio's 11th District. Included a proposed TV show called Judge Tubbs. Also read from The In-Box, and told us about an ongoing contest to guess what number he's thinking of. It's not: 7, 16, 111, 280 or 499. First time interview was conducted via satellite rather than in-studio; Whitford appeared surrounded by his Emmy awards, which Colbert suggested could fight his Emmy award. Checked mail on The In-Box, replayed clip of his character Ching-Chong Ding-Dong, and solved all the world's mysteries with his word association system The DaColbert Code. Part six of "Better Know a District" with Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick of Michigan's 13th District; First installment of "The Rest of the World in 11.6 Seconds."

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"Sharpen your carving knife and loosen your belt. You're coming over to my house for ThanksTruthing." "And they say the Truth still roams these very woods." "Go out ten yards then button hook to the left. I'm gonna hit you with a perfect spiral of Truth." "Is that Truth in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?" "You want the Truth? You can't handle the Truth! But, I've got oven mitts!" "Hey Moondoggie, wax your board and catch a wave. The Truth's up." "A wop bop a loo bop a wop bam Truth." "Knock knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke." "Somebody get a bucket, I think I'm gonna Truth!" "Get on your tippy toes America. You must be this tall to ride the TruthCoaster." "I'm fully dilated and effaced and I'm squeezing out a bouncing bundle of Truth." "Get ready for authenticity, veracity, and verity. Someone's been reading a thesaurus." "Break out some vodka, some lime juice, and the facts. You're about to do an upside down Truthikaze." "Everyone put your keys in the bowl, it's time for a swinging Truth party!"

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